it all takes times...
everything needs time...
everyone needs time.. and u know what?

i need time now to get outta this house... cooping up in this lil' room of mine makes me go crazy... facing my brother doesn't makes things better... he is just a noise producer who gives me burden...

anyway, was in the mood of writing poems.. some sentences may not be originally mine..

I don't know how we get into these fights.
After them I look back at the ashes
More shocked than hurt, as when a light plane crashes,
Slanting numb through strange, unearthly lights.
Oh, how I wish I could get off that plane
Rushing to its rendezvous with tears!
Rage is but a mask for my shy fears.
Yet I would die before I caused you pain.

How can I know so surely that I'll love you
No matter what the future has in store?
Time is like a cave in which our torches
Show only the circumference of our minds.
But love is will far more than it is passion,
Though passion may at first sustain the will.
One chooses love the way one chooses faith
Because that is the way that heaven lies.

My love for you is vaster than the ocean,
More rich in loveliness than coral seas.
I could no more relinquish it than let go
Willingly the precious gift of life.

I want to make you smile as you make me.
I wish you saw my thoughts right through my eyes.
You ask me what I'm thinking. I can't tell you.
You are the stars, and I the empty skies.
In me there is a yearning ever flowing
That needs to reach an end that never comes.
I cannot be myself without you with me.
This is a truth no wisdom ever plumbs.

You laugh, and say that I'm your personal angel,
And this is what I want so much to be.
The beauty of my life is like a passion
That blows right through the person that you see.

just like u, i try to change for u.. no matter how difficult it is i keep trying.. i dun just see the bad side of u.. tt's so not true.. i also see the good in you.. but u only notice me when i see the bad side of u... sometimes u prolly assume too much.. and i know most of the times i am so sensitive..

the things that u like to do, i will like too.. prolly i can't do it.. but still i enjoy being ard u to enjoy the things u enjoy doing.. i can't help but think that u were unhappy thru'out most of the times being with me... really hurt... but i dunno what to do.. as much as i want this to work out..i really dunno... sorry to make u feel so helpless.. lose track of urself and stuffs... i know u care... i know u really do.. i care too.. as much as i dunno how much it is... sorry that i'm not giving u enuff space to breathe...

no one is perfect baby... for u, i will continue to change to the woman u see as perfect too... the perfection lies in the eyes of the beholder.. for like what i have on msn... "You learn to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"...

everytime when i'm feeling happy, sad, worried, frustrated, excited, anxious, etc... i will feel like blogging.. guess what kind of feeling am i feeling now? i hAve no idea either. a feeling like nv before. maybe this is the point of time when the sea is flowing camly into the river banks - plain happiness and calm... then prolly after sometime, the sea might get all excited and happy then the water will gush into the river again... altho i like it exciting n happy, it is nt always like thAt.

la mer bleue profonde est vous,
na da hai jiu shi ni,

l'eau en mer est votre amour,
da hai li de shui jiu shi ni de ai,

les banques calmes de fleuve est moi,
na tiao xiao he jiu shi wo,

l'eau dans le fleuve est mon coeur.
xiao he li de shui just shi wo de xin.

woah.. can't describe my feelings today.. a part of me - happy, a part of me - tired, a part of me - sorry... but mostly happy i guess.

too many things done and too lil time.. so shall not give details...

thanks my dearest baby... for everything...

ToT of The day-You learn to love, not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly-

i dun bear grudges if u dun rmb... i just got sick and tired of asking u out and u give me last min excuses that u wanna accompany ur bf or whatsoever.. dun come crying to me next time if u have problems.. i have my own problems too.. i can sit there patienty listening to u.. but u can't.. u either seems too distracted or what.. but anyway.. u know what u did.. i dun have to explain further..

i always ask u and the others out... the others nvm... u r my closest fren.. and yet trust u to not understand me... kinda disappointed.. but nvm.. guess i expect too much of ya.. not only towards u. but prolly i ask too much of people ard me.. tt's why there's always so much arguements...

girl.. gimme awhile.. u r always my loveliest fren.. and abt the thing u told me the other day... i understood already... the reason why he always goes out early and return home late might be bcuz u have been choking him up too much... cuz from what i've heard from him... and i know.. he still loves u... just hate being nagged at whenever he reach home.. nag less and love more my dear.. i know u gonna say i'm liddat as well.. but girl.. i am trying to change and apparently it's working out quite well i think.. nag less and love more.. okie?

--baby, this is for you. i treasure the times with u.. and i know u love me. we gonna make things work.. i know love will find a way.. love you.. --

how do u think i felt hearing that...

aches here and there... helppp...

i dun wan to leave now... i dun wan... i wanna stay here... dun force me to go Aust........................

hm... family got a lil harassment from a boy... looks ard the age of 13-16... abit of mental problem too i guess... hm... police came and left... guess it should be safe for now..

baby mood better le.. hugs baby... love you

hm... body feels so heaty... have 2 big ulcer in the walls of the left side of my mouth... pain pain...

this morning was so... i dunno how to describe...so hurtful... the only thing i wanted to do then was to run to des to hug him... and let him tell me everything's alright... and he did... thanks.. u made me laugh so much today.. thanks baby...

i love you

sometimes i find living to be a very tiring thing... how do u like it almost every morning when u wake up, with someone by ur bed not to dote on u but to nag at u, scream at u.. saying things that wasn't true at all..

everytime, the quarrel, the "pep" talks, the arguements only circulates around the most basic topic-my studies...

since primary 6, decisions made by him was already wrong... choosing the 6 schools which i apparently couldn't get in. eventually got posted to an even lousy school.. my score for 273(with proof). to me, when i dun like something, it's really difficult for me to do it well. i din like the school.. so every year i dropped class.. 1A, 2B, 3C, 4C.... if they had a 4D for express, i would definitely be in there.. i knew......... but i still tried my best to study hard and achieve good results and i got results that could have actually brought me to JC for O's.

then i beg them so hard for me to go Poly instead...but there's always a catch... the catch is, he's gonna choose the course for me... i din like it... but i had to let him do it.. (dun say i could have rejected him from helping me, cuz i couldn't) give and take... cried alot then... felt that my freedom was all lost... he chose Acc as first choice.. after which the rest of the 11 choices were nearly alike... and i din like it... i hated accounts ever since sec sch to the core. just bcuz i put in so much effort pulling my result up for Maths and POA, he decided to put me into that course...

so when i joined NP, even when i knew accounts was one of the best course in there, i still wasn't happy, cuz it's not what i like. nvm.. i studied.. i studied hard... i promised myself that no matter how much i dun like it, how hard its gonna be, i'll still make sure i pass every sem at least and not repeat.. to my expectation i did that.. today results released... i officially graduated without repeating any sem. obviously, he still wasn't happy... feels that i could have done better... if i din have band, baracuda and other stuffs. they weren't supportive of my other activities. with just one hand, i can count the number of times they came to watch baracuda performed.

they expect me to stop baracuda once i enter uni, but i wun... and i dun wan to... it was baracuda that spurs me on to continue studying in NP, baracuda that provided so much fun, laughter and tears for me and baracuda that gave me hope to study... so much it is to me that when he asked:"when would u stop going for baracuda?"

my answer was :"until it no longer exist."

then he thinks that i dun help out at home.. which i did but they were too busy scolding, nagging and working to notice it. i dun like to do things and make sure they see it to acknowledge it. i do what's right and comfortable for me. they see it, they're happy-fine. they dun see it, they complained-forget it.

they kept using my siblings as a pressure on me. sometimes really envy those single child family or the youngest of the family, cuz they dun have the pressure given by their parents that they must and have the responsibilities to take care and guide them. however, i guided my siblings but they themselves do not help themselves. so in the end, i'll still get the punishments.

just the day before, sister's results were out for her appeal. and then again, a mistake by him. but he just wun realize it. forget abt it.

i try to help out as much as possible. but at the same times, i need life too... yes.. prolly, i'm quite playful... but they would nv understand.

these stuffs happened so many times that i lost count and i dunno how to go abt it. everytime it's just the same old things.. the old man-conservative-pumpkin mind.

so much so much to say... so much so much stuffs going thru' my mind...

BB-thanks for providing me laughter and fun, guys.

baby... thanks for calling me, even if u dunno what to say.. it's okie.. just be there to listen... let me "whine". *hugs*

well... no one's free tml.. guess i'll prolly stay home... rot and rot.. and bb's staying at home... hazmi asked to accompany him and conrad to his school... think if it.. kinda far.. lol... lets see how is it tml...

watching autumn tale these 2 days... feels so sad... the show is sad... very sad... okie.. i'm quite an emo person... 2 person who loves each other so much should always stay together and not be separated...

(actually i also dunno what to blog but just wanna blog)

bb took lots of the night scene pictures... he's really quite serious abt his camera.. at times i'm also kinda confused over the things he is trying to explain to me.. but i try to understand as much as possible. =) sorry baby if i got a blur face... =) dun think i'm not interested or what... tt's not what it is.. =D but the pictures baby take is really good... and it was drizzling heavily... bb's serious face can be cute at times..

happy 5th month anni...^^

laughed alot today... and my new piano!!! yes!!! my new piano... S$11,000 (whr the hell did my daddy got the money)

last but not least... my self-obsessed photo..

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... i'm back!!! from HONGKONG...YES!!! shopping and more shopping... bought lotsa stuffs... but heard from them if go during Aug or Sep would be alot better... cuz SUMMER!!!! more clothes suitable for Singapore's weather. Photos will be posted ASAP... but i must post one photo first...




YES!!! a rare pink PSP... all the way from Hong Kong and from Baby Desmond!!! Thank you... Muacks!

*dun get jealous... =D

this entry is only for DESMOND HUANG WEI QIANG...

firstly, we are still how we used to be... and we will always be.. prolly a lil of bickering which i think is healthy... prolly a lil of seriousness which i think is healthy too.

yes... maybe sometimes i contradict myself... i find myself contradicting also... over certain things i say.. but i know wo hai shi ai ni de... when i said i found the one... yes... i've indeed found the one.. and tt's u... u have been a gr8 listener, advicer, helper, lover... everything gd that i can think of.

when i hang up the phone and the entry u read... yes.. u wondered... but the blog entry wasn't exactly for u.. except for the "poem"(for u). tt's why baby... stop thinking so much... and lets move on...

u r still my baby... u will always be.

(if it is too small, click on the picture)

at this moment.. i feel a sudden of mixed feelings.. over what.. i dunno...

i'm always wrong.. no... nv right... to most people...

wo lei le... xu yao yi ge neng kao de zhu de jian bang. wo zhao dao le, ke shi ni shi fo zhi dao ma?

*huggs myself and piggy... *