sometimes i find living to be a very tiring thing... how do u like it almost every morning when u wake up, with someone by ur bed not to dote on u but to nag at u, scream at u.. saying things that wasn't true at all..

everytime, the quarrel, the "pep" talks, the arguements only circulates around the most basic topic-my studies...

since primary 6, decisions made by him was already wrong... choosing the 6 schools which i apparently couldn't get in. eventually got posted to an even lousy school.. my score for 273(with proof). to me, when i dun like something, it's really difficult for me to do it well. i din like the school.. so every year i dropped class.. 1A, 2B, 3C, 4C.... if they had a 4D for express, i would definitely be in there.. i knew......... but i still tried my best to study hard and achieve good results and i got results that could have actually brought me to JC for O's.

then i beg them so hard for me to go Poly instead...but there's always a catch... the catch is, he's gonna choose the course for me... i din like it... but i had to let him do it.. (dun say i could have rejected him from helping me, cuz i couldn't) give and take... cried alot then... felt that my freedom was all lost... he chose Acc as first choice.. after which the rest of the 11 choices were nearly alike... and i din like it... i hated accounts ever since sec sch to the core. just bcuz i put in so much effort pulling my result up for Maths and POA, he decided to put me into that course...

so when i joined NP, even when i knew accounts was one of the best course in there, i still wasn't happy, cuz it's not what i like. nvm.. i studied.. i studied hard... i promised myself that no matter how much i dun like it, how hard its gonna be, i'll still make sure i pass every sem at least and not repeat.. to my expectation i did that.. today results released... i officially graduated without repeating any sem. obviously, he still wasn't happy... feels that i could have done better... if i din have band, baracuda and other stuffs. they weren't supportive of my other activities. with just one hand, i can count the number of times they came to watch baracuda performed.

they expect me to stop baracuda once i enter uni, but i wun... and i dun wan to... it was baracuda that spurs me on to continue studying in NP, baracuda that provided so much fun, laughter and tears for me and baracuda that gave me hope to study... so much it is to me that when he asked:"when would u stop going for baracuda?"

my answer was :"until it no longer exist."

then he thinks that i dun help out at home.. which i did but they were too busy scolding, nagging and working to notice it. i dun like to do things and make sure they see it to acknowledge it. i do what's right and comfortable for me. they see it, they're happy-fine. they dun see it, they complained-forget it.

they kept using my siblings as a pressure on me. sometimes really envy those single child family or the youngest of the family, cuz they dun have the pressure given by their parents that they must and have the responsibilities to take care and guide them. however, i guided my siblings but they themselves do not help themselves. so in the end, i'll still get the punishments.

just the day before, sister's results were out for her appeal. and then again, a mistake by him. but he just wun realize it. forget abt it.

i try to help out as much as possible. but at the same times, i need life too... yes.. prolly, i'm quite playful... but they would nv understand.

these stuffs happened so many times that i lost count and i dunno how to go abt it. everytime it's just the same old things.. the old man-conservative-pumpkin mind.

so much so much to say... so much so much stuffs going thru' my mind...

BB-thanks for providing me laughter and fun, guys.

baby... thanks for calling me, even if u dunno what to say.. it's okie.. just be there to listen... let me "whine". *hugs*