argh

me here again to tell everyone how i felt just now and now... -jealous-

well... shhhhh.... nvm.. keep in my heart... and for those who gonna read my entry... (tot she was still sick... SHOULD rest...........)

anyway, today felt super tired... been this busy before but nv this tired... and painful... duh... the back hurts... carry my Tuba and felt kinda pain... then played Joyful Exclamation for the whole night only.. been slacking.. but still hurts.. guess i walked too much today... but nvm.. overall is alright i hope..

concert is this coming saturday... at 6.30pm... as u can see, the details are here for u guys to contact me and buy tickets from me... $10 for stall and $12 for circle seats... it's Nov 4th... my last rondeau concert with my band at Victoria Concert Hall.. hope those who are reading my entry right now can help to boost my ticket sales... it's demoralizing as a ticketing office to see less than 35% of tickets in total sold... even though i'm only playing for the last half of concert, but it does not mean that i wanna play to a 1/3 filled hall... this time round due to the o levels exams, my own ticket sales is bad... normal for me if i sold more than my own tickets.. but i can't even finish my tickets this time... hate it... i nv like to lose... and band members, surprise me and hazmi at the next ticketing update with more tickets sold.. dun think u guys wanna play to empty hall...

anyway, after everything, as usual got bullied and teased by the same usual people.. always the limelight. lol.

-hugs myself today-

bored

was too bored just now and decided to take random photos..



if u guys can see, it's my charmy kitty with earrings. she just got it recently.



closeup of the earrings.. it's real!!!



this was what i was doing just now... duh! isn't it obvious, i was studying...

left with this only...

me, u , he, she, they, we, them, all, bahhhhz...

too bo liao...

gonna go back to the horrible home...

tmr got blardy school.. hate sundays... then still have band...

and i need money..

who wants to give me...

-ke lian de jas is super broke and dread school-

...

ni zhi dao wo xian zai hen xing fu ma??? =P

-xing fu xiao nu ren-

how long have i not blogged??

hm...

been alil busy these few days... in and out of hospital... with this and that.. then now back, waist, butt, aches quite a lot... this is prolly one of my worst nightmare ever... but anyway, it's over.. gonna get accident claim... so happy..and the school gonna change the way the stairs is for me.. lol.. and thanks everyone for their care and concern, esp. fauzi... *thanks*

hm.. just learnt how to play MAX TUNE and i love it!!!! thanks to mr noti boy... it's a bad cum gd influence.

hm... was actually quite happy blogging stuffs... but then... oh.. nvm... didn't mean it tt way...

it's alrights... wo zhi er deng ren wu... shi ma? nvm...

today was fun anyway... as in 25.10.06 (evening only)... -love u alot still...-

i'm just a girl...

wo zhi shi yi ge hen ping fan de nu hai zi... wo zhi shi yao yi ge neng gou rang wo xing fu de gan qing... dan shi wo de bu dao... wo zhen mei yong... wo zhen mei yong... wo xiang lian ni.. ni dao di zai na li...

where is my superman..

now i start to hate the song "because of u" by kelly clarkson.

everything she sang seems to be describing me... i wanna be the same me... i wan my superman... i need my superman... i felt like a jerk now.. bit time jerk...

*pls gimme sometime to prove it to u -_-

i thank u in advance for giving me the some time...

living corpse

every moment seems just now i just felt like a living corpse...

every moment when i wasn't concentrating... all i could think of was me going away soon... maybe then u would be happy... someone would be able to replace me esp after what happened today... i'm more certain every girl can replace me... this time i know u wun ask me to stay anymore... cuz i shattered every single bits and pieces of ur heart... and trying so hard to mend it back it's difficult.

but i still hope u will ask me to stay... i pray... for ur love, ur forgiveness, ur words to make me stay... u know the reasons why i'm leaving again...

sorry if i'm selfish...

fuckedlah

i hate her...i hate her... i hate her...

once people make her pissed off... she will be like "k fine, i'm gone"

then people will go por her... wtf manz... i dun care abt tt.. tt's her prob seriously...

but which part of me getting jealous u dun understand? i guess it's the part of u going to HER place and i'm jealous u dun understand...

yah... i'm UNREASONABLE!!!!

scold me!!!! get pissed off with me!!! attitude me!!!! but i'm liddat...

i'm a sensitive whore...

just lemme die k... doctors wun cure me... cuz i'm beyond cure... it's the jealousy sickness that can't be cured!!!!!!!!!!

-_-

read ur blog and didn't knew that u were so unhappy... i just dunno how to keep u happy... everytime i view ur blog... i would see her testi for u... i nv had one from u... see.. i'm treated so differently... prolly u dun think so... but i feel so.. girls are liddat... sensitive bitch, crazy bitch, emo bitch...

ranging my mood 1(being the worst)-100(being the best)... mine today is -80... so my mood can be worser from being the worst... 1st is was u who couldn't go for the outing.. forget it.. know u have to study.. gotta be understanding... then next was him who replied me "see how la, that movie boring"... and i hated the boring word when he knew the main purpose was to go out make new frenz... so all i did was "whatever la... fuck off.." yeah.. alil rude.. but i'm liddat...

but really whatever lorz... sch's been tiring to me... still not getting to the lecture mood still... i know tmr gonna be much sianz... but heck care...

alrights... end here...

oh no...

OMG!!! i MISS u so muchHHHH!!!!

staying or not...

i said i will stay... but still until the last min... i still wun know... but i just wan to be treasured and cherished more... tt's all i ask for..

suddenly have the feeling of someone letting me go... tell me why...

untitled 4...

oh god... me misses u alot..


anyway... i didn't abandon u... sorry if i made u think tt way... maybe u tot that i was very evil already.. maybe u r thinking why am i not taking care of u this time when u r sick and i'm still going out with frenz... and u know why already... or maybe u still dunno...

nvm... it's me...

Shen Ming Zhong De Mei Yi Ge Ren...

came across a very nice email... =) for pple like me who gets angry easily... and for pple who always likes to win in quarrel...



*if it's too small click on it to open it bigger =P

-pleasant day- with a wait of 2 1/2 hrs...

tell me how...

today... we had a lil arguements, or rather eh... dunno how to put it... once in cab... once just few mins ago...

firstly didn't meant to be rude...

secondly didn't meant to ignore...

whatever reasons i have... doesn't seems to be accepted... or maybe no one wanna listen... cuz everything from me is unimportant... i dunno...

sometimes... i could just break down then wonder why am i doing all these... my answers are blurry already... i nearly couldn't figure everything out anymore... tell me how... no one appreciates... even if they do, they dun tell.. they dun show.. and i nv know...

it's difficult.. i feel like i'm being pushed away and no one is pulling me back... i'm slowly drifting away... further and further..

can i just end it here...? mylife...

-menses day1-

i'm a human plsssss

he totally forget abt my feelings.. i was just merely saying..

and he just said bye and ignored me... XIAO QI!!!

i'm a human too pls.. i always have to make sure u dun angry... why? why can't it be u the one who give in abit... now wanna say gdbye to me... u said u care for me... what abt my feelings!!! did u????? !!!!! it hurts k!!!

the start of a new day...

it's a very dead sunday... nothing was done and dun feel like doing anything... woke up with tears in my eyes... again... nightmare reoccured again... and it seems so ridiculous... tot it would have stopped then... let's hope tonight i will have a peaceful sleep... or just let me die in my sleep, so that i wun wake up in cold sweat and whatsoever...

went to have my hair cut... i look so ffffugly now... or rather only i think so... gonna visit cyn in awhile... she's suffering from a lil depression now.. why frenz ard me all have problems de... oh NVM...

-hugs&kisses22-
-jmissyouj-

OMG!!!!

This few days were super happening!!! lotsa gigs, lotsa funs, lotsa laughter, lotsa tears, lotsa everything...

had a gig at Miss Earth Singapore 2006 and it was damn cool.. for the first time we had a table on our own... and we were served food!! gd food!!! but i guess the guys didn't quite like it... cuz it didn't fill their tummys =P





Smoked Salmon with i dunno what...



Wild Mushroom Soup with Bread Crumbs



Cod Fish with Mash Potato at the bottom



Creme Boulee --> dessert... it was horrible actually

then took photos with all the pretty girls.. with their heels they make me feel so short and all my photos has pimples!!! it's the period of the month... and so ya.. i'm ugly...





one of the 17 contestants... guys, dun drool...



One of the Host --- i think his name is Nick??? a DJ or VJ i guess...



This is Nadia and us... a VJ from MTV...

that nite went to MOS too... it was fun but not that fun.. in the end got drunk and had to disturb someone's private time.. wanted to see him so badly too... i wonder if he did feel that way...



In Pure room... to see other photo... go to - http://mkop.com.sg/ -
-----------------------------------------

Ytd nite till this morning was with hui, monk, fire, jay, darren, wu gui, sebastian together... and happy, unhappy things happened... i cared too much abt other's feelings and neglected mine... in the end i'm the one to get hurt... wanted to move on.. then realized... he didn't ever left my heart a single bit... but overall.. the whole nite was fun and tiring...
-----------------------------------------

then just now had a performance at the SAF Yacht Club (honestly speaking, i can't pronounce the second word) =P

it was another unforgettable gig... cuz of NICK SHEN!!! my GOD>>> he's so Cute la!!!!



This is NICK SHEN!!!! =) ooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhh.......





Can u Spot me? =P





Yeah, it's S R Nathan and Mrs Nathan... --> anyway, what's her name?? =P

So Basically it's liddat... and everything was good... i guess...

-Hugs&Kissesto22-
-jMissyouj-

it's gonna be just photos and captions

with cheng liang



without chengliang



the four big guys



me and fauzi



me zhi lian in toilet



okieeeeeeee dun laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!



fauzi in the chester hat!!! whahaha...

am i so unimportant?

i guess only i feel that way... sorry peepz... my entries always seems to be so emo... or unhappy... but just feel that it's the only place for me to say everything... cuz at least it wun make me angry... cuz it doesn't tok...

sometimes life is so full of ups and downs till i dunno when's up and when's down... all i know is that having feelings sucks...

e.g 1 : i hate he/she i can't say (fear unhappiness)

e.g 2 : i love him i can't say (fear rejection)

e.g 3 : i feel lonely i can't say (fear quietness)

e.g 4 : i feel jealous i can't say (fear abandon)

e.g 5 : i feel happy i can't say (fear people dun share my joy)

e.g 6 : i feel sad i can't say (fear being an irritant)

haiz... it goes on and on and on... but on top of all these i always have to be a gal full of hypes and energy so that people wun feel how i'm feeling... and i wan people ard me to be happy... how many times must i repeat that????? haiz..

only 4 person will knows and see how exactly i feel.. and that's you all...

thanks... all i know now is that... i need a hug... a very tight hug..........

-hugs&kisses-

speaking the unspeakable

heart flutters cuz of what... i think i'm getting my answer already... =) but still quite vague... hahaz... well... hope answer come out soon...

yepz.. told cyn to move on... she really gotta move on... and i'm learning to move on... who knows there might be the right one for me out there... or maybe he will always be the one...

but anyway... my night was quite nice... =) u caused the difference in me.....

-2...2-

it's so true....

i read one of my mails, and came across those kind which tells u ur personality according to ur month of birth... and mine was described liddat...

"Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High-spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days."

it's so true... and u know what... only the last part was fake.. i didn't have to repost and i got to tok to someone whom i do not speak too much too... within 4 days... so people.. just do selective believing!!!

just got back from camp ytd, was so tired.. had to do all the shitty stuffs... just as if i was a mother... =D but it was fun altho 2nd day i left camp to go sentosa... go there haven't even played for 2 hrs, and it rained then in the end had to stay in shelter for quite long before we managed to go play in the waters again...



Volleyball match... but we were just serving n serving tt's all---> lawry says it's depressing... =P



Huix holding on to sand preparing to throw on yue min.. kakaz



Darren being throwed into water by lawry, yue min and fire



Me = only female victim thrown into water



virus act cool...



huix not inside... she's our photographer =P

it was not tt bad...

sat evening went to play mj at gerald's place.. and tt was when i could sleep for a lil' while...

ytd had dinner at norain's cousin's place...



food was quite good.. cook by herself... =D

anyway, me feels very vexed... since i dunno when and i dunno why... can someone tell me the answer... or at least find out for me? arGh!!! this feeling is bad!!!